Brokencyde Is Still The Worst MySpace Band; Possibly The Death Of Culture Incarnate

Over a year and a half ago, I first wrote about Brokencyde on these very pages. That post resulted in a spirited and hilarious stream of misspelled, explicit, and confounding comments.

Inciting those replies is my biggest source of pride when it comes to publishing bazookaluca. Even when monumentally misguided, I have to respect the passion and conviction with which those comments were furiously typed.

Comments such as:

Anonymous said...
Brokencyde isn't a shitty band, you fucking old man.

Shut up your fucking mouth .|.

Brokencyde is my crew
And there ain't NOTHING you can do so FUCK YOU!

Margaux said...
Who are you to say what good music is... The are so many people who love Brokencyde, and just because you hate them doesn't mean you should talk shit about them and piss all their fans off. Learn how to keep some things to yourself, no one cares about what you think.

Anonymous said...
FUCK YOU! SERIOUSLY BROKENCYDE IS THE BEST BAND EVER! GO FUCK YOURSELVES! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG AND BAND EVER SINCE MY OLDER SISTER INTRODUCED ME TO THEIR MUSIC! SO SHUT UP, LEAVE THEM ALONE,AND GO LISTEN TO MUSIC FROM YOUR TIME PERIOD!(A.K.A.- THE 1920S)
BC13 MOTHER FUCKERS! HAHA!

Anonymous said...
you're so dumb LOL
sad how you old men think you know what good music is

BC13 MOTHERFUCKER

The "BC13 MOTHERFUCKER" tag is in reference to their debut EP, BC13. The "MOTHERFUCKER" is, of course, for emphasis. This appears over and over in the comments.

Other replies were a mix of cloudy rationalizations and pure hostility:

haley said...
brokencyde is great, get over yourselves. just because you have different taste than other people doesn't mean its total shit.
they have fun, and they can make money off of it.
and all of their MILLIONS of fans love them for it.
RANDOM SCREAMS ARE GREAT.
fuck you, go listen to your bull shit music now.
BYEE.

Joey said...
BC13 Assholes!

This band, no matter what you say, is good. That would be like going around and saying the rolling stones arent good, its all personal preference. You don't HAVE to sit there and bash it, I mean, you could just get a fucking life.

BC13 BC13 BC13

Oh, and i forgot
BC13 MOTHERFUCKERS

And these were just confusing:

Anonymous said...
lol...
thats funny...
randome screams are great, and they use them wisely however yes sometimes they can use them a lil much.

Ricky Nigguhhhh said...
wow! how are you gonna hate on BC13!??! they made their own effing genre, which is way better than what you do, sit on your computer judging a band that IS good. Brokencyde 4ever

Anonymous said...
Brokencyde are allright. Freaxxx is actually one of their songs I dont like and the music video is absolutely terrible. Maybe you should try some of their older stuff, its less stupid. But there newer stuff can be so fun to listen to.

That last one was particularly perplexing since the song it references, "Freaxxx" was Brokencyde's debut single, so I'm not sure what "older stuff" he/she was referring to. Considering the band members' ages at the time of its release, I can only assume that he/she must've been referring to recordings from their middle school chorus recitals. If that's the case, I have no doubt their "older stuff" is certainly "less stupid."

The hostility wasn't one-sided though, there was quite a bit directed at Brokencyde and their fans as well:

Anonymous said...
Shit sucks. QQ more emofags.John said... alright lets compare here...........BC13 made there own fucking genre, WHO FUCKING CARES.

Black Sabbath MADE FUCKING HEAVY METAL!!!a genre that is still around today..

Brokencyde made uh CRUCKCORE? a genre that is already starting to die. this band sucks. the worst piece of shit ever, MILEY CYRUS along with the FUCKING JONAS BROTHERS HAS MORE TALENT IN THERE little FINGERS than BROKENCYDE!!! this is not an opinion its a Fucking FACT! they went into the studio and FUCKING FAILED!!!

Anonymous said...
Looks like some faggot fanboy from myspace found this and brought the flies to the shit. Oh well, what can you do. I wouldn't be surprised if it's them trying to defend their own short lived popularity.

Justin Lore said...
this band is fucking awful, i dont care how many people like them. millions of people voted for hitler in the thirties, and that didnt make it any better of an idea. in a year, no one will remember this band.

But Justin clearly got it wrong, because here I am, a year and a half later, writing about Brokencyde on the eve of the release of their new album, Will Never Die (Suburban Noize Records.)

Aside from a bigger budget, the first video off Will Never Die, "Teach Me How To Scream", shows little growth from "Freaxxx"-era BC, they're still a post-ironic, misogynist clusterfuck of a group, miscarried as a result of cursory genre inbreeding.

But please, don't take my word for it, see for yourself; writing about Brokencyde is as arduous as describing the Sistine Chapel—it's best experienced firsthand. That's mainly why I avoided covering Brokencyde after my original post. In part, because it's been done half to death by countless other blogs, but mostly because deconstructing them is essentially pointless.

They do all the work themselves with videos like this:



I couldn't have described that with more depth or insight than you have just gained from watching it yourself.

So, what now? Are the "BC13 MOTHERFUCKER" clones going to come after me again? Am I still just an out of touch old man who should go back to listening to my old-timey music from the 1920s?

Maybe briannapiranha was right when she stated, ever so elegantly:

I think you're the fail here, sir.
-BREE BREE, NIKKUH.

I would indeed bree bree, nikkuh, but I just don't know what that means.

Musings On Brokencyde: The Worst MySpace Band Ever

Part of my workday revolves around gathering MySpace Music data --a tedious and painstaking task, largely due to the considerable number of dubious "artists" represented on the site whose music and images I have to endure during my research.

A couple of months ago, I happened upon a band called Brokencyde (they write it "brokeNCYDE", but I'm not going to comply with such silliness). After a little examination, I informed my coworkers that, with all certainty, I had found the worst, most offensive band on MySpace ever (no small feat, let me assure you). They agreed.

Ever since then, Brokencyde has been a constant topic of discussion/ridicule/disgust in my office and, seemingly, in every other facet of my life as well. They have practically consumed my every waking thought and hours upon hours of my time that I will never get back. Today, as I happened on their profile again while working, I realized that I had spent more time thinking and listening to Brokencyde than most bands I actually like.

But no more. It ends today. I am using this blog as a means of closure and by paying them forward to you, I am exorcising these demons from my person once and for all. Just consider me little Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist and you, my friend, are about to be Father Karras.

And trust me, you'll want to throw yourself out the window too after you watch Brokencyde's video for a song called "Freaxxx":



I know, right. There's no words to describe what you just saw.

Well, let's let British commentator Warren Ellis do the talking. He calls Brokencyde's "Freaxxx" music video "a near-perfect snapshot of everything that’s shit about this point in the culture."

Well put.

But perhaps August Brown of the Los Angeles Times sums up Brokencyde best by quipping:

"[Brokencyde] has done for MySpace emo what some think Soulja Boy did for hip-hop: turn their career into a kind of macro-performance art that exists so far beyond the tropes of irony and sincerity that to ask 'are they kidding?' is like trying to peel an onion to get to a perceived central core that, in the end, does not exist and renders all attempts to reassemble the pieces futile."

Couldn't have said it better myself...