BAZOOKALUCA: 2012

Right on the heels of Ice Cube's "Good Day" being identified (or was it?), I happened to discover what could very well be the Wagon Wheel Motel mentioned in the Morphine song "Thursday" during a drive through the Northern side of Salinas, CA (specifically, here.)

In case you haven't heard it, here's the (wonderful) song in question:

Morphine - "Thursday" Cure For Pain (1993)

We used to meet every Thursday Thursday
Thursday in the afternoon
For a couple of beers and a game of pool
We used to go to a motel a motel
A motel across the street
And the name of the motel was the Wagon Wheel

Could this run-down, flea-infested hole in the wall be the famed motel Mark Sandman sings about in his debaucherous tale of infidelity? If so, the first clue would be if there was a pool hall across the street.

I looked across the busy road and saw this:

While it is unlikely that a place called Golden China Restaurant would be where one goes for a couple of beers, a game of pool, and to meet a loose married woman, I gave a peek inside anyway. Alas, no pool tables to speak of. It made sense, after all, Sandman probably would have mentioned Moo Goo Gai Pan in the song if that had been the case, because, well, why wouldn't you?

Granted, this doesn't mean that the building couldn't have housed a seedy pool hall sometime in its history before it was transformed into a dubiously authentic Szechuan joint, but it was already late in the day, and a trip to the Salinas Historical Building Society was out of the question.

Of course, once I returned home and dug a little deeper, I realized that although "Thursday" was semi-autobiographical and Mark Sandman did travel extensively, he almost certainly wrote the song while in rural Colorado, making it unlikely to be set in Salinas, more than 1,000 miles away.

So, really, all I got from this is just a couple of crappy pictures of a crappy motel and a crappy Chinese restaurant in a crappy part of town.

But I got out of the house and listened to Morphine, so all in all... I guess it was a good day.
__________________________________

Cure For The Pain: The Mark Sandman Story is currently making the festival rounds. I hope it gets some sort of distribution because I'd love to see it soon.

**NOTE**

The items within the following lists are not ranked in order of importance or artistic value. Instead, they are listed randomly, or in some cases, as recalled by memory.

While the difference between good art and mediocre drivel is easily discernible, it is the author's opinion that ranking actual art is a random, arbitrary, and highly unscientific process, therefore inappropriate for these purposes. Hopefully, the absence of numbered lists will not frighten or cause excessive discomfort so as to keep the reader from enjoying this post to the fullest.

Additionally, the reader is encouraged to post any omissions, additions, or grave misjudgments on the author's part in the comment section.

Best ALBUMS

Fucked Up - David Comes To Life
[Matador]

The most ambitious thing a band can do in 2011 is make a big, vibrant, hard rock album. Making it a rock opera borders on ludicrous. However, Fucked Up not only succeeded at both, they also transcended the limitations normally associated with those tropes.

Low - C'mon
[Sub Pop]

An accomplished band makes an album that sums up the reasons they were accomplished all along. C'mon is at once precious without ever appearing cute, alluring despite the ever-present menacing sense of doom, and epic while pretenseless.

PJ Harvey - Let England Shake
[Universal Island]

Harvey brings gravitas to an already heavy subject: War. Her sober accounts are presented with simplicity and directness making the listening experience even more poignant, and ultimately, deeply arresting—like a war documentary showing only the aftermath.

The Men - Leave Home
[Sacred Bones]

The title is a Ramones reference (tribute? swipe?) and The Men certainly share that fellow NY band's disrespect for silence and nuance. Noise rock albums like this are rarities as of late which makes me stand up and take notice even faster.

Tom Waits - Bad As Me
[Anti]

Calling this a Waits' "pop record" is slightly misrepresenting Bad As Me, but it's not far off considering the songs are tighter, shorter and more focused than recent releases. Still, no one will mistake these incandescent brawlers and rousing bawlers for "pop" any time soon.

St. Vincent - Strange Mercy
[4AD]

What ultimately drew me to Strange Mercy is texture, and how Annie Clark looks at songs as opportunities to make new sounds. And considering her songs stand up unadorned on their own, the added flare makes for an invigorating experience.

Shabazz Palaces - Black Up
[Sub Pop]

"Experimental/abstract/avant" are all qualifiers I've seen attached to Palaceer Lazero's brand of hip-hop, and they all apply while also sell him short. There's some focused shit going on this record, and it reveals itself a little more with each rewarding listen.

Girls - Father, Son, Holy Ghost
[True Panther Sounds]

If Elliott Smith had grown up with more Deep Purple and Pink Floyd and less of The Beatles, he might have made an album like this, but maybe I'm saying that because Christopher Owens voice is eerily reminiscent of Smith's breathy whisper. Not at all a complaint.

Feist - Metals
[Cherrytree/Interscope]

It's hard to pinpoint the exact reason why I enjoy listening to this album so much. Best I can figure is that Leslie Feist's ability to sing like she's sitting next to you is enhanced by her propensity to make songs that swell up big enough to fill stadiums.

Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi - Rome
[Capitol]

Conceptually, this album hit all the right notes with me before I even heard it. A tribute to Ennio Morricone using most of his original players, adding Danger Mouse, Jack White, and Norah Jones to the mix, and I'm to the moon. A great mood-setter.

Lykke Li - Wounded Rhymes
[LL Recordings]

A dark record lyrically, Wounded Rhymes presents itself openly in its title. While it dabbles in electro-pop and even doo-wop at times, Likke Li's deadpan delivery of devastating lines of heartbreak are punches that ultimately leave you emotionally pummeled.

Radiohead - The King Of Limbs
[Ticker Tape Ltd.]

It was speculated after the digital release of TKOL that there would be an additional disc on the physical set because some were underwhelmed with it. I was not. A genuinely understated Radiohead record is still better than ten-thousand fake Kid A impressions.

Kanye West and Jay-Z - Watch The Throne
[Def Jam/Roc-A-Fella/Roc Nation]
Whatever small gripes come up while listening to Watch The Throne are easily dismissed by how fun it is to hear these two interact. This is as close as I get to enjoying celebrity culture. I imagine it stimulates the same synapses as someone who cares about the Kardashians.

Great ALBUMS That MISSED THE CUT

Kurt Vile - Smoke Rings For My Halo
Beirut - The Rip Tide
Bill Callahan - Apocalypse
Tune Yards - W H O K I L L
The Roots - undun
Lyonnais - Want For Wish For Nowhere
Atlas Sound - Parallax
Cass McCombs - Wit's End
Wilco - The Whole Love
Beastie Boys - Hot Sauce Committee Pt.2
Ty Segall - Goodbye Bread
Battles - Gloss Drop
The Decemberists - The King Is Dead
The Mountain Goats - All Eternals Deck
Stephen Malkmus And The Jicks - Mirror Traffic
G Side - The One...Cohesive
Thee Oh Sees - Carrion Crawler/ The Dream
Wild Flag - Wild Flag
The Black Keys - El Camino
My Morning Jacket - Circuital

Good ALBUMS But NOT UP TO PAR (Try harder next time, please)

Bright Eyes - The People's Key
The Antlers - Burst Apart
Mogwai - Hardcore Will Never Die, But You Will
Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues
Mastodon - The Hunter
Death Cab For Cutie - Codes And Keys
Okkervil River - I Am Very Far
The Rapture - In The Grace Of Your Love
Ryan Adams - Ashes And Fire
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Hysterical
TV On The Radio - Nine Types Of Light

Album That Still CONFOUNDS ME And Of Which I HAVE NO OPINION

Destroyer - Kaputt

It's either great, just okay, or maybe even terrible. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Worst ALBUM That A Lot Of People Think Is The Best ALBUM For Some Goddamned Reason That Is Beyond Me

Bon Iver - Bon Iver

Seriously, it's not good. It's boring. It's artless. It's lazy. If you liked it, either your conceit is causing you to delude yourself or you need to wake up and grow a set of opinions that aren't paid for by publicists.

Most OVERHYPED Albums (hype > quality)

Cults - Cults
Toro y Moi - Underneath The Pine
Panda Bear - Tomboy
Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra
Washed Out - Within And Without
Bon Iver - Bon Iver
Tyler, The Creator - Goblin

Best REISSUES

Grandaddy - The Sophtware Slump
Sebadoh - Bakesale
Archers of Loaf - Icky Meddle
Can - Tago Mago
Faith - Subject To Change Plus First Demo
Ride - Nowhere
Talk Talk - Laughing Stock
Nirvana - Nevermind
Art of Noise - Who's Afraid of Art of Noise
Mercury Rev - Deserter's Songs
The Beach Boys - The SMiLE Sessions
The Smashing Pumpkins - Gish/ Siamese Dream
Throbbing Gristle - The Second Annual Report/ D.O.A. The Third and Final Report/ 20 Jazz Funk Greats/ Heathen Earth
Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds - Let Love In/ The Boatman's Call/ Murder Ballads/ No More Shall We Part

Best SOUNDTRACKS

Drive - Cliff Martinez/Various Artists
Attack The Block - Basement Jaxx
Young Adult - Various Artists
Bellflower - Jonathan Keevil/Various Artists
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Trent Reznor/Atticus Ross

Best LIVE ALBUMS

Pearl Jam - PJ20
Pearl Jam - Live On Ten Legs
Twilight Singers - Live In New York
The Decembertists - Long Live The King EP
Deerhunter - iTunes Live from Soho
Miles Davis - Live In Europe 1967: The Bootleg Series, Vol.1

Best COMEDY ALBUMS

Marc Maron - This Has To Be Funny
Louis CK - Hilarious
Patton Oswalt - Finest Hour
Doug Benson - Potty Mouth
Rory Scovel - Dilation
Wyatt Cenac - Comedy Person
Jen Kirkman - Hail To The Freaks
Tig Notaro - Good One
Eddie Peppitone - A Great Stillness
Beards Of Comedy - Cardio Mix

Best ALBUM COVER

Mastodon - The Hunter

If the music inside matched that awesome cover, they'd have made the Best Albums list for sure.

Most PUZZLING ALBUM COVER

The Strokes - Angles

Seriously, where have I seen that font before? It drove me crazy throughout the year, and I still don't know. It's the lettering and the placement. Christ, help me figure it out, please. I've lost more sleep over this than over anything else in my life.

Worst ALBUM COVERS

Worst ALBUM COVER Made Even Worse By The Worst PERSON On It

Chris Brown - F.A.M.E.

You might have fooled Saturday Night Live, The Today Show, and most of America's terrible people, but I haven't forgiven you, Chris Brown. You're still trash to me. Watch it.

Best SONGS

I made you a playlist. Just go to my Spotify account and look it up. Too lazy? Fine, here you go, here's the link. That's pretty much all the songs I liked, except for all the ones that aren't on Spotify. Those you'll have to ask me about in person, LIKE THEY DID BACK IN THE BRONZE AGE.

SONGS I Hope I NEVER HEAR AGAIN

This list is getting harder to compile since I'm never really exposed to anything I don't want to listen to. However, these songs somehow managed to infiltrate my cocoon. May they cease to exist and spare us all another listen.

"Party Rock Anthem" - LMFAO
"Not Over You" - Gavin DeGraw (mostly because of the ads on Spotify)
"Beth/Rest" - Bon Iver
"Gucci Gucci" - Kreayshawn

SONG I Could Hear EVERY DAY For Another YEAR

Tom Waits - "New Year's Eve"

Call me a sentimental fool, but there is nothing not to love about this one.

BIG SONGS I Only Know By TITLE And May Have NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD

"Rolling In The Deep" - Adele
"Pumped Up Kicks" - Foster The People
"Moves Like Jagger" - Maroon 5
AND whatever-the-fuck song Cage The Elephant sings.

I honestly couldn't hum you the chorus from any of these. This is neither a source of pride or shame for me.

Guilty PLEASURES

I seriously can't think of any this year. I told you this would happen. I'm finally guilt-free.

Best CASE For The SUBSIDIZATION Of Attractive People So That They May Spare Us Resorting To MUSIC For A CAREER

Lana Del Rey

Usually when someone has this many photo shoots under her belt and no album out, E! is heavily involved in their "brand" marketing.

Best FILMS I Actually Saw

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Young Adult
Beginners
Bridesmaids
Pearl Jam Twenty
The Trip
Senna
Super 8
Hesher
Our Idiot Brother
Louis CK Live At The Beacon Theater
Black Swan (a late 2010 film, but saw it in early 2011)

FILMS I Wanted To See And DID NOT But By All Accounts SHOULD BE GOOD

Melancholia
Drive
The Skin I Live In
The Tree Of Life
Super
Descendants
Attack The Block
Submarine
Source Code
Take Shelter
Hugo
Another Earth

The One FILM I Saw At A DRIVE-IN This Year

Captain America: The First Avenger

Whodathunkit? I guess it could've been worse. I could've seen Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son and I might have been tempted to drive into the screen kamikaze-style.

FILM I Wanted To Like But DIDN'T Quite HOLD UP

Red State

Michael Parks is great in it, but the movie falls apart in the final act as it tries to be something Kevin Smith doesn't have the chops to pull off as a writer/director. But hats off to him for trying.

Best TV SHOWS

Breaking Bad [AMC]
Game Of Thrones [HBO]
Community [NBC]
Louie [FX]
Parks & Recreation [NBC]
Childrens Hospital [Cartoon Network]
30 Rock [NBC]
Boardwalk Empire [HBO]
Portlandia [IFC]

Best TV SHOW Of Which I Only Saw ONE EPISODE

Homeland [Showtime]

Most DISAPPOINTING TV SHOW Of Which I Somehow Still Watch EVERY EPISODE And Will Continue To Watch No Matter HOW BAD IT GETS

The Walking Dead [AMC]

This show makes me feel like a battered spouse, but I'll keep coming back no matter how many times I have to tell people that I fell down some stairs because IT'S A SHOW INVOLVING ZOMBIES ON TELEVISION AND I NEED THAT TO BE A THING.

Best HOUR of TV I Have EVER SEEN

Breaking Bad's Season 4 finale, "Face Off" was everything that is right with television, film-making, storytelling, and life in general. It was so good that when it ended I started watching it again. And then I watched it a third time. I've probably seen it ten times. In fact, I'd be watching it right now if I didn't have to finish this stupid list.

Most TOUCHING Televised PROFESSION OF LOVE That Also Includes A POLIO ANALOGY

Louie [FOX] - "Subway/Pamela"

You could pick a slew of scenes from Louie that are worthy of high praise, but this one really stuck out to me. It's everything that makes up Louis CK's comedy: honesty, vulnerability, gaucherie, and too-farcical-not-to-be-unspeakably-real sorrow.

Best CONCEPTUAL EPISODE

Community [NBC] - "Remedial Chaos Theory"

Constantly trying to one-up itself, Community tackled an alternate time-line episode and they really hit it out of the park. We better appreciate Community before NBC finally realizes that shows this fun, this clever, and this unconventional have no place on their network.

Best SHOW To Witness Horse Decapitations, Eye Stabbings, Molten Gold Showers, Assorted Gore And Violence, But Also Boobs And A Badass Dwarf

Q. How awesome is Game Of Thrones?

A. The most.

The EXACT MOMENT In Time I Knew Zooey Deschanel Had Turned FROM CUTE TO ANNOYING

The New Girl [FOX]

SHE SINGS HER OWN THEME SONG? SERIOUSLY? Dreadful.

TV SHOWS To Which I Was LATE TO THE PARTY (They Were New To Me)

Battlestar Galactica [SyFy]
Sons Of Anarchy [FX]

Holy frak, how did I sleep on BSG for all these years? It's frakking amazing. And SOA is as ridiculously mockable as it is highly watchable. Also, I'm pretty sure if you take a drink every time you hear someone say "SAMCRO" you'll probably die of alcohol poisoning.

Biggest ABSENCE From TV

Mad Men [AMC]
A whole year and a half without my favorite prime time soap opera is too long. The stench of cigarettes, booze, and infidelity is starting to fade from my flat screen and that's a really bad thing.

ACTUAL Biggest ABSENCE From TV

Christina Hendricks' boobs.

And although they've been gone from television for far too long, they're omnipresent in my heart.

Please come back soon, Joanie.

Best PODCASTS

I can't stress enough how Podcasts have become my favorite medium for entertainment in the past couple of years. These are some favorites, which are never to be missed.

The Pod F. Tompkast [iTunes]
WTF With Marc Maron [iTunes]
Comedy Bang Bang [iTunes]
Superego [iTunes]
The Bugle [iTunes]
The Best Show On WFMU [iTunes]
The BS Report [iTunes]
Doug Loves Movies [iTunes]
The Nerdist [iTunes]
Who Charted? [iTunes]
StarTalk Radio [iTunes]
Analyze Phish [iTunes]
SModcast [iTunes]
Thrilling Adventure Hour [iTunes]
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks [iTunes]

(*ahem* The BAZOOKALUCA Podcast [iTunes] ain't too bad either...)

Funniest PEOPLE To FOLLOW On TWITTER

These people make me giggle like a silly Twitter baby daily.

Rob Delaney - @robdelaney
Andy Borowitz - @BorowitzReport
Steven Weber - @TheStevenWeber
Paul F. Tompkins - @PFTompkins
Doug Benson - @DougBenson
Megan Amram - @meganamram
Andy Richter - @Andy_Richter
Scott Aukerman - @ScottAukerman
Eddie Pepitone - @eddiepepitone
Patton Oswalt - @pattonoswalt
Shalewa Sharpe - @silkyjumbo
Jenny Johnson - @JennyJohnsonHi5
Blaine Capatch - @blainecapatch
Steve Agee - @steveagee
Reggie Watts - @reggiewatts
John Roderick - @johnroderick
Tom Scharpling - @scharpling
Kelly Oxford - @kellyoxford
Kristen Schaal - @kristenschaaled
Kyle Kinane - @kylekinane
James Urbaniak - @JamesUrbaniak
Dana Gould - @DanaJGould
Ted Leo - @tedleo
Todd Barry - @toddbarry
Morgan Murphy - @morgan_murphy
Sarah Silverman - @SarahKSilverman
Marc Maron - @marcmaron
Eugene Mirman - @EugeneMirman

(*double ahem* it couldn't hurt to follow @bazookaluca either...)

Favorite BAZOOKALUCA POSTS

"Musings On Boardwalk Empire" (January 10th)
"Bad Time For Bonzo: A Ronald Reagan Memorial On His 100th" (February 6th)
"Exclusive Interview With Native Stables" (April 1st)
"Revisiting The Crow Soundtrack" (April 26th)
"Stradivarius Violins Pizzicato At My Heartstrings" (July 11th)
"A Word On Spoiler Alerts" (September 27th)
"I Drove Through Limbo And It Was In California" (November 23rd)

Best/Worst MEMES

Best/Dumbest ANIMATED GIFS

Best OUTDATED MASH-UP

We really messed up by not making this connection in 2009. Was the internet really that much slower back then?

Most RELEVANT And TIMELESS QUESTION

Celebrity GIRLFRIENDS

Kelly Oxford
Some would argue her celebrity status, but I don't have doubts. If you're on Twitter, chances are pretty good that you follow @kellyoxford and she makes you laugh at least once a day. It's merely a bonus that she happens to look like a fashion model (but, mind you, a key bonus.)

Grace Park
Having just seen Battlestar Galactica for the first time this year, I'm behind on the Grace Park appreciation train, but that's quite alright because I don't mind catching her on the downswing as long as I get to catch her at all. She played a frakking toaster, but I'm willing to overlook that as long as they keep cranking out Number 8's like this.

Gillian Jacobs
Gillian's Community cast-mate Alison Brie was a celebrity girlfriend last year, and I'm still quite fond of her, but lately my eye has been wandering toward Britta. My crush only grew stronger after her appearances on the Don Cheadle/Captain Planet FoD video and Comedy Bang Bang where she got to flex some impressive comedic muscles.

Kate Upton
I don't really know anything about the lovely Kate Upton, but this farm pictorial from Complex had a profound impact on my choice to shift my preference towards rural living. Of course I just learned that she's dating some football player, so that might be the death knell for this crush, but it was good while it lasted.

Most OVERUSED WORDS

Dubstep Kreayshawn Siri Cray Santorum Occupy Jobs Pippa Staycation Winning Bak'tun Defecit 1% Iowa Jimmer Friday Newt Skrillex 99% Rapture Skyrim Tebow Swag Cloud Wall Street Carmageddon Hacktivist Arab Spring Timeline Spotify Gosling + Refudiate Fukushima Pinterest Irene Bunga Bunga Planking Tumblr

Phrase I Couldn't GET ENOUGH OF

"Norwegian Butter Crisis"

Year-End LIST That SHOULD PROBABLY END NOW

This one.

Haven't had enough?

See Also: 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010

Thanks for reading. As always, you're the best.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Heavy Metal Drummer Cat

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Emo Llama Wants To Pierce Its Lip But Mom Won't Let It

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 14

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 13

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Great Moments In Photoshop

Jon Hamm's Face Speaks For America

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The BAZOOKALUCA PODCAST: Episode 12

Saturday, March 24, 2012

EXCLUSIVE: Video Footage of Dick Cheney's Extracted Heart, Post-Procedure

Monday, March 5, 2012

Music Video Cliché Theatre, Volume VII: Backward Is Forward

Friday, February 17, 2012

Some Suggestions For The Virginia GOP On How To Really Stick It To Women Who Dare To Choose

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Is The Wagon Wheel Motel Mentioned In Morphine's "Thursday" in Salinas, CA?

Friday, January 27, 2012

Frightened Corgi Sums Up America's Feelings Toward Rick Perry

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Best of 2011 Megalist: Music, Film, Television, Web and More

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