**NOTE**
The items within the following lists are not ranked in order of importance or artistic value. Instead, they are listed randomly, or in some cases, as recalled by memory.
While the difference between good art and mediocre drivel is easily discernible, it is the author's opinion that ranking actual art is a random, arbitrary, and highly unscientific process, therefore inappropriate for these purposes. Hopefully, the absence of numbered lists will not frighten or cause excessive discomfort so as to keep the reader from enjoying this post to the fullest.
Furthermore, the reader is encouraged to post any omissions, additions, or grave misjudgments on the author's part in the comment section. Enjoy.
Best ALBUMS
High On Fire De Vermis Mysteriis
[E1]
An album about Jesus' quantum-leaping twin brother should sell itself on concept alone, but De Vermis Mysteriis also happens to be the most fucking righteous metal record this year and a perfect soundtrack to growing god-size.
Cloud Nothings Attack On Memory
[Carpark]
Had this album come out in 1996, it would have been on Jade Tree or Polyvinyl Records, and I would've been placing songs like "Separation" or "Fall In" on mix tapes alongside tracks by Braid, Faraquet and Drive Like Jehu—and that's as highly as I can speak of anything.
Fiona Apple The Idler Wheel...
[Epic]
I've said it before, nutty contraltos that use five-dollar words are my weakness, and for that reason alone I'll stand by Fiona for life. It's a bonus that she's one of the most expressive and honest songwriters to ever put herself out there for our scrutiny.
Ty Segall Band Slaughterhouse
[In The Red]
One of three great releases in 2012 by prodigious garage proto-punker Ty Segall, Slaughterhouse is also the most cohesive listen from start to finish. This is not to say that it's a walk in the park to take in; it's more akin to a bloodletting whirl in a moshpit... in the park.
Ty Segall Twins
[Drag City]
Brighter than Slaughterhouse, Twins is the less-sinister and more immediate flip-side to the same scratched coin. The Nuggets and Lennon-esque melodies are out in full force and the fuzz is thick and piercing, as one would expect by now from Segall. Sacchariferous!
The Men Open Your Heart
[Sacred Bones]
After last year's Leave Home made an apparence on the Megalist, I wondered if The Men were for real and not just another blip on the radar. All that was erased with Open Your Heart, an interesting and engaging follow-up. Looking forward to many more.
The Evens The Odds
[Dischord]
The best work Ian MacKaye has done since Fugazi's The Argument, The Odds' strength is in its songwriting, a split between drummer Amy Farina and Ian, who is now 50 but still fighting the good fight with steel resolve and unwavering focus. We need more of this.
Cat Power Sun
[Matador]
The track placement is the only drawback on Sun because upon first listen, you're tricked into believing it's a much lesser record. Only after a full thorough listen does Sun reveal itself as notably great. A metaphor for Chan Marshall herself, perhaps.
Swans The Seer
[Young God]
The Seer wins the award for Album Most Likely To Freak You The Eff Out When Played Loudly On Headphones While Walking Around At Night. Best paired with Suspiria, "Bela Lugosi's Dead" and Dead Can Dance, although that probably won't help you be less freaked out.
Big Boi Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors
[Island Def Jam]
Sure, it's not as solid as 2010's Sir Lucius Left Foot, but it also didn't take half a decade to be released, which is nice. Plus, Big Boi is always worth the price of admission; he never takes a verse off and he's still one of the most dexterous emcees alive.
Liars WIXIW
[Mute]
Incapable of making an uninteresting album, Liars' sixth full-length is perhaps the most demonstrative of the Mute Records sound, if such a thing can be boiled down. Or look at it this way: this is how Radiohead would sound in an alternate universe where Germany never reunified.
Pallbearer Sorrow And Extinction
[Profound Lore]
The "slow and heavy" formula is doom's bread and butter, but that can get dull if the mood isn't right, and Pallbearer just nails it on Sorrow And Extinction. Saint Vitus and Sleep are equally present, but they never achieved such triumphant tonality in their minor chords.
Nada Surf The Stars Are Indifferent To Astronomy
[Barsuk/City Slang]
Confession: I have an Alex Chilton-shaped soft spot in my heart for power pop, and I'm famously not immune to its charms. Nada Surf made the best power pop album this year and I'd be remiss to include it here since I've indulged at full volume a couple dozen times in 2012.
Great ALBUMS That MISSED The CUT
I have a feeling some of these albums would've appeared above had I had more time to listen, but alas, I did not. Chin up, guys, no shame in that. Your greatness was evident right away and you'll be appreciated more with time.
Flying Lotus Until The Quiet Comes
Thee Oh Sees Putrifiers II
Metz Metz
El-P Cancer 4 Cure
Titus Andronicus Local Business
Japandroids Celebration Rock
Bob Mould Silver Age
Leonard Cohen Old Ideas
Melvins Lite Freak Puke
King Tuff King Tuff
Menomena Moms
A.C. Newman Shake Down The Streets
Kendrick Lamar Good Kid, m.A.A.D. City
The Mountain Goats Transcendental Youth
Godspeed You! Black Emperor 'Allelujah! Don't Bend! Ascend!
The Future of the Left The Plot Against Common Sense
Jens Lekman I Know What Love Isn't
The Tallest Man On Earth There's No Leaving Now
Good ALBUMS But NOT UP To PAR
Look, these artists have all earned automatic listens through past successes, it's just that for whatever reason, these albums just didn't live up to what the authors have already achieved. Maybe try harder next time? Is that rude of me to say? C'mon, I didn't mean it that way. Maybe it's me. Ultimately we're just looking for different things. Yeah, let's leave it at that. But seriously—try harder next time.
Grizzly Bear Shields
Baroness Yellow and Green
Dr. Dog Be The Void
Benjamin Gibbard Former Lives
Cursive I Am Gemini
The Mars Volta Nocturniquet
Yeasayer Fragrant World
Pinback Information Retrieved
Jeff The Brotherhood Hypnotic Nights
Damon Albarn Dr. Dee
Best EPs/SPLITS
Lazer/Wulf There Was A Hole Here. It's Gone Now.
Forget Cassettes O Cursa I, II, III
Ty Segall/White Fence Hair
The Antlers Undersea
Azelia Banks 1991
TNGNT TNGNT
Most OVERHYPED ALBUMS (hype > quality)
Beach House Bloom
Grimes Visions
Best Coast The Only Place
Animal Collective Centipede HZ
Purity Ring - Shrines
2 Chainz Based On A T.R.U. Story
-Isn't it easy to pick on these folks, even though it's mostly "the machine's" fault for the undeserved hype?
Yes.
-Do you still do it every chance you get?
You bet.
-Will you continue to do so?
For as long as they suck and I have to hear about 'em—I will—for it is my duty. No more questions.
ALBUM A Lot Of People Seemingly LIKED But I NEVER GOT AROUND TO
Frank Ocean Channel Orange
Hey, I'm a busy guy, okay? I'll get around to it in 2013 and enjoy it just the same. Or maybe not, and then who'll be the idiot?
Best SCHIZOID POP ALBUM
David Byrne and St. Vincent Love This Giant
Sure, it's not as consistent as we'd all like, but much like the artists' faces on the cover, it teaches us that there's some revelry to be found in askewness.
One REASON Some BANDS Should STAY BROKEN UP
Soundgarden King Animal
Soundgarden had a great arc: a band that showed tremendous growth over the span of two decades and five iconic albums, and eventually ran its course through 1997. The release of a tepid album fifteen years later doesn't really add to this legacy—it's merely a footnote, and an unnecessary one at that.
Best SOUNDTRACKS
The Master Jonny Greenwood
The Dark Knight Rises Hans Zimmer
Django Unchained Various Artists
Lawless Nick Cave and Warren Ellis, Various Artists
The Man With The Iron Fist the RZA
Paranorman Jon Brion
The Dark Knight Rises Hans Zimmer
Best COMEDY ALBUMS
Kyle Kinane Whiskey Icarus
Paul F. Tompkins Laboring Under Delusions
Hannibal Buress Animal Furnace
Louis C.K. Live At The Beacon Theater
John Mulaney New In Town
Eddie Peppitone A Great Stillness
Tig Notaro Live
James Adomian Low Hangin Fruit
Todd Barry Super Crazy
Best ALBUM COVER
Swans The Seer
With teeth. Michael Gira's teeth, to be exact. Oh, and check out the back cover for the full experience. Worst ALBUM COVER
Spiritualized Sweet Heart Sweet Light
"Huh?" indeed. Although, come to think of it, this lazy display of non-design might be an appropriate response to people not buying records because of artwork anymore. Certainly no chance of that happening here.
The album isn't bad, though.
Best SONGS
I made you a playlist on Spotify. I hope you'll enjoy it. It's best consumed in a speeding, open-roofed vehicle, naked, while well-oiled to prevent wind chap, of course. TRUST ME.
SONGS I Hope I NEVER HEAR AGAIN
PSY "Gangnam Style" - Mainly because once I hear it, it's a mighty hard song to un-hear. I do enjoy the video though, especially what's been captured in the screen shot to the left. Screaming at butts is the new slapping at butts.
The one (two?) Fun. song(s) of which I've heard bits and pieces. I wish the period at the end of their name was more indicative as to how much more we have to hear from them. Plus that singer has failed-musical-theater-hack written all over him.
Just a reminder, Toby Keith is STILL making and selling records. The terrorists have won.
And finally, whatever Maroon 5 put out this year. That'll do, guys. Let's pack it up.
POP MUSIC I Managed To (happily) NOT HEAR
It has never been easier to ignore pop music than it is right now. Anything by Nicki Minaj, One Direction, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, or whatever the hell they're playing on the remnants of terrestrial radio. I seriously never hear music from any of these people, and if I do, I certainly couldn't hum you a single bar from any of their songs. At this point, if you hear pop music and hate it, you only have yourself to blame.
Best DUBSTEP SONG
POPULAR SONG I Managed To Hear For The FIRST TIME On DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE
Carly Rae Jepsen "Call Me Maybe"
I almost made it out of 2012 without hearing this song. It feels like I got disqualified on the last 10 feet of a marathon.
Also, how CRAZY is it to give someone your number, Carly? It's quite common for people to exchange numbers upon meeting, no? I mean, Jesus, get a grip, you spazz.
POPULAR SONG I Managed To Hear For The FIRST TIME Just Last Week Because MY FATHER MADE ME LISTEN TO IT
Gotye "Somebody That I Used To Know"
I have no idea how this managed to get my father's attention or why he likes it, but it's noteworthy when things like this happen, because they NEVER happen.
Oh, and dude just sounds like Peter Gabriel, right?
Best FILMS I Actually Spent MONEY TO SEE
Looper
Moonrise Kingdom
The Avengers
The Cabin In The Woods
Skyfall
Django Unchained
Jiro Dreams of Sushi
Oh boy, not too many trips to the cinema for me in 2012, huh? Not surprising, considering I learned how to make theater-caliber popcorn at home this year (Thanks, Flavicol!) But also, not that many films piqued my interest. One thing's for sure, television is kicking cinema's ass lately.
Biggest LET-DOWN
Prometheus
I had so many hopes pinned to Ridley Scott's third foray into science fiction, but this prequel to Alien was marred by lazy screenwriting and rushed storytelling. Bummer, 'cause it had the potential to be great.
Next GREAT HOPE In SCIENCE FICTION By Which I Hope Not To Be LET-DOWN In 2013
Pacific Rim
Would it be asking too much if live-action Mechas could overtake superheroes as the dominant figures in blockbusters? I have a bad feeling that the Mazinger Z or Kotetsu Jeeg films I've been dreaming of since I was a child are never going to get made. Well, until Guillermo Del Toro's love letter to the Japanese Super Robot genre is released, I'll just keep hoping for the best.
BIGGEST FILM That Just Left Me LUKEWARM
The Dark Knight Rises
Apart from great performances by Tom Hardy and Anne Hathaway, there wasn't much else to love about Christopher Nolan's conclusion to his vision of Batman, but still, I guess it was pretty good? I don't know. I can't tell anymore.
Okay FILM SPOILED By NON-RELATABLE Characters
Take This Waltz
I usually don't need characters to be relatable to enjoy a story, but every character bothered me so much in this film, that I just didn't enjoy it. Lesson learned: fucking entitled young white folk ruin everything!
MOST Elaborate Non-Stop Sequences Of SERIOUS VIOLENCE In An ACTION FILM
The Raid: Redemption
This film is one elaborate action sequence after another. It's actually quite exhausting to take in one sitting, but holy shit, is all the stylized shooting/stabbing/punching FUN!
ODDEST CLICHÉ To Suddenly Make A COMEBACK
Satanic Cults
Kill List and The Last Exorcism both employed satanic cults as the out-of-left-field "baddies" in their third acts, which really highlights the fact that people who grew up amidst satanic hysteria in the 1980s are finally getting to address it in their movies.
Films I WANTED To SEE But DID NOT, Illustrating That I DON'T ALWAYS Get To Do WHAT I WANT But I'M OKAY With That
The Master
Life Of Pi
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Amour
Cloud Atlas
Argo
John Carter
Bernie
Number Of FILMS It TOOK ME To LEARN That I DON'T LIKE/GET/CARE ABOUT MARK DUPLASS
Three
I saw Jeff Who Lives At Home, Cyrus, and Safety Not Guaranteed this year and didn't particularly care for any of them, which is really a blessing. Now when I see Mark Duplass starring in or directing something, I can just skip right over it. Time. Saved!
Best TV SHOWS
Homeland
[Showtime]
This is one of the few shows that makes me miss cable. Avoiding spoilers and waiting until the day after it airs to stream it is murder! And even though it got a little iffy by the end of the second season, at its worst it's still one of the best written and acted shows right now.
Louie
[FX]
Louie's brilliance almost seems commonplace after three seasons, but it's still a gem compared to the rest of TV. Louis C.K. has had carte blanche to do as he pleases, and he's managed to keep the show fresh by doing just that, and not giving in to the restraints of structure.
Breaking Bad
[AMC]
This year Walter White completed his transition to full-out baddie, further toying with the viewers' alliances established over the last five seasons. Top-notch writing, acting and directing makes this journey deeper into the heart of darkness great fun.
Game of Thrones
[HBO]
The amount of attention a person must invest to stay atop the ever-expanding cast of characters in Game of Thrones is probably too much to ask from the average viewer, which is precisely what makes it great—it's committed to itself above all. But also, nudity.
Sherlock
[BBC]
Clever, funny, and stylish, it's the good Sherlock Holmes TV show, and it shouldn't be surprising that it's the one on the BBC, not the one on CBS. Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are great in their respective roles, and even better trading as a duo.
Community
[NBC]
The best comedy on TV is also the one that has had the hardest time staying on air. Short of canceling it, NBC has done nothing but stifle Community, including firing its creator and delaying its premiere. Enjoy the brilliance while you can, its time is coming soon.
Mad Men
[AMC]
Season 5 kicked off on a light note as the characters all found themselves buoyed by new freedoms, but it didn't take long for the angst to set in, culminating in a series regular's death later on in the season. Consistent and engaging, it's TV storytelling at its height.
TV Show To Which I Was LATE TO THE PARTY (it was new to me)
Doctor Who
[BBC]
A friend had shown me "Blink" in 2010 and I decided right there I was going to start watching Doctor Who. Well, two years later I finally did, and now I'm wondering what took so long. I lucked out because the last couple of seasons with Matt Smith as the Doctor have been great.
Most IMPROVED SHOW
The Walking Dead
[AMC]
By the end of the frustrating second season I was ready to bail, but here we are halfway through the third and they've got me back. The writing is better, the pacing more dynamic, and the zombies keep on coming. You've bought yourselves more time, fellas. Do it right.
Best PODCAST Turned Into A TELEVISION SHOW
Comedy Bang! Bang!
[IFC]
Saying that Comedy Bang! Bang! is the best podcast-turned-TV show is reductive because it could certainly stand on its own. But it's worth mentioning that CBB is the best example of taking the spirit of a program across different mediums without sticking to one format.
Show I STILL HAVEN'T Started WATCHING Against ALL LOGIC
Justified
[FX]
Everyone who watches this just raves about it, yet, here we are. I guess I'll have to make some time for you, Justified. Check back next year as I'll probably sing your praises and wonder how foolish I have been.
Most AWKWARD LIVE PERFORMANCE I Witnessed On TELEVISION
Lana Del Rey on Saturday Night Live
This would have never happened had the plan I proposed last year to subsidize attractive people so that they don't resort to careers in music had gone into action. Let's act now and nip this in the bud before it happens again.
Best DECISION By A NETWORK EXECUTIVE
Shortening New Girl's horrific Zooey Deschanel-sung theme song to a more palatable six seconds. Not as good as replacing it with a five-minute clip of nails on a chalkboard and baby seals being clubbed to death, but I'll take it over nothing.
Best COMMERCIAL
Since podcasts have become my favorite form of entertainment, they get their own category this year.
Best COMEDY PODCASTS
Doug Loves Movies [iTunes]
The Best Show On WFMU [iTunes]
Comedy Bang! Bang! [iTunes]
Never Not Funny [iTunes]
The Pod F. Tompkast [iTunes]
Who Charted? [iTunes]
The Thrilling Adventure Hour [iTunes]
Getting On With James Urbaniak [iTunes]
The Dead Authors Podcast [iTunes]
You Made It Weird With Pete Holmes [iTunes]
Wits [iTunes]
Best WRITTEN/IMPROVISED SKETCH COMEDY SHOW
Superego
[iTunes]
I generally never listen to podcasts more than once, and yet I listen to episodes of Superego at least five times. I have nothing but the upmost respect for what they are doing for comedy, podcasting, and my life in general.
Best INTERVIEW PODCAST
WTF With Marc Maron
[iTunes]
I've been listening religiously to WTF twice a week for its entire 350-episode run. Over the course of the last few years, Marc has built a comprehensive archive of interviews pertaining, but not limited, to comedy, all the while establishing himself as one of the best interviewers around.
Best NEW PODCAST
The Dana Gould Hour
[iTunes]
A variety show featuring conversation, monologues and sketches, often focused on one overlaying theme, The Dana Gould Hour is perfect for fans of quick wit and obscure references. So, in essence: me.
Best SPORTS Podcast
The BS Report With Bill Simmons
[iTunes]
The only sports show with enough perspective to value statistical analysis, the cultural relevance of seemingly meaningless events, and making outlandish hypothetical speculations, all in the same breadth.
Best PODCASTS Featuring DUDES TALKING That Reminds Me Of HOW I RELATE TO MY OWN FRIENDS
This is an elaborate way of confessing that I miss having friends to bullshit with. Move to California, long-lost friends!
Harmontown [iTunes]
The Bugle Podcast [iTunes]
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks [iTunes]
Smodcast [iTunes]
Nerdist [iTunes]
Best EDUCATIONAL PODCASTS
StarTalk By Neil deGrasse Tyson [iTunes]
The Infinite Monkey Cage [iTunes]
WNYC's Radiolab [iTunes]
The Naked Scientists [iTunes]
Stuff You Should Know [iTunes]
Best/Worst MEMES
Best/Dumbest ANIMATED GIFS
Best WEBSITE
Well, duh.
MY Year In EIGHT TWEETS
Celebrity GIRLFRIENDS
Karen Gillan
As this was my first year of watching Doctor Who, I am duly behind in my adoration for the lovely Karen Gillan and her nerdly-beloved character, Amy Pond, but hey, better late than never. Of course, you're never late when you're a Time Lord, SO, wait, where am I going with this? Ah, nevermind.
Michelle Jenneke
Move over, Ussein Bolt! There's a new sassy star on the track, and she's got moves that'll draw more false starts than any hard count! Did I get my sports double-enterdres mixed up? Oh well, probably because I was watching this again.
Most OVERUSED WORDS
Linsanity Gangnam Caucus YOLO Fiscal Cliff Umami 50 Shades Sandy Middleton Pussy Riot Chick-fil-A Twitterverse Jubilee Mayan Higgs Boson Lochte Baumgartner SOPA Gotye Stand Your Ground Instagram Nerd ACA Aurora Curiosity Newtown
Biggest PRICKS
Gun-toting cowards and the
monsters that enable them.
SADDEST DAY
May 4, 2012
The day Adam Yauch left us.
We miss you, MCA.
Best TIME To END This MEGALIST
Now.
Haven't had enough?
See Also: 2004, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011
Thanks for reading. As always, you're the best.
The Dark Knight Rises
