Post Game Analysis

So since there's going to be plenty of analysis of the game itself, I'll just focus on some of the other aspects of the Super Bowl.

Let's start with the pregame festivities. The "Built Ford Tough" pregame show consisted of what is best described as the shittiest Summer Olympic Games opening ceremony ever. Gloria Estefan kicked it off by making another "Miami=Caliente" reference (first off, Gloria Estefan's cultural importance is being vastly overestimated by someone at the Super Bowl preshow planning committee; she's never been big, and even if she ever was, it was twenty-five motherfucking years ago. Surly there's someone who can represent the city of Miami better than her. And also, I'm incredibly sick and tired of anything even remotely associated with being Latin being referred to as "hot", or "caliente" as it were. Many Latin things are in fact quite "frio" or "insignificante", putas!). Conga drums begin to be beaten loudly and a lame marching band appears.

And then the fucking circus begins.

Yes, the one from Quebec.

Tonight, Cirque De Soleil officially joined American Idol and Fox News as the third part of my Axis Of Evil. These things poison and harm our society to almost incomprehensible levels. I don't see why anyone who is alive finds that shit amusing. Seriously.

After that glob of horseshit was over Billy Joel sang the national anthem quite quickly (which is how the fucking song is meant to be sung, there's no need to stretch every note out to five minutes) and people cheered. At this point, I would like to touch upon how awful the production value is on any CBS game. The sound was awful; muffled and toneless. The cameras constantly had condensation on the lenses (I mean, they knew it was going to rain the whole time; couldn't they send an intern out to buy some Rain-X? That shit works, yo.) and the commentators are by far the lamest on TV. But I digress, on to the half time show.

I was pretty disappointed. Don't get me wrong, Prince has written some pretty bad-ass songs in his day. He just chose not to play a single one of them at the halftime show. What was that?! A bunch of covers? "All Along The Watchtower"? "Proud Mary"? A fucking Foo Fighters song? What happened to Prince? I mean, I know what happened; he found God and renounced what made him cool in the first place -songs about fucking- which he was great at writing. Yeah, he can play guitar, we get it. So can Yngwie Malmsteen but you don't see his bloated carcass being brought out for any halftime shows. Well, perhaps at half time of a pee-wee hockey game in Sweden or Denmark or where ever the hell he was from.

So yeah, at least the game was entertaining for the first half. Then Rexy had to go and fuck it up. Way to choke dude. Now we all have to hear about the legacy of Peyton Manning for the rest of our lives and how he rose above and overcame and blah blah blah. . . . . .I'm sick of it already.

The Bitch Is Back. No, Really.

So yeah, Elton John came into my work today.

And guess who helped him check out? That's right, I was involved in a direct commercial transaction with Sir Elton John.

He came in wearing a black track suit and he was accompained by two gentlemen (bodyguard and assistant, I assume). He purchased things in pairs. Two copies of Rob Sheffield's new book, Love Is A Mixtape; two copies of Lang Lang's Dragon Songs and two copies of a book displaying the worst album covers ever. Those along with an album by Frank Yankovic (the polka guy!!!) and a couple of other books whose title I don't recall. He paid cash out of his enormous billfold which held dozens of hundred dollar bills. And you know what was really funny? He had a Barnes & Noble Member Card (which had expired, by the way, and I happily renewed). That's right, millionaires like to save 10% too.

Apparently he comes by every six months or so when he's at his place in Atlanta. I was told that last time he spent way more money, like two grand. This time he only dropped a couple of hundred dollars. Maybe he'll be back in the next few days. Maybe he'll become a regular; I'll see him every day and say "Hey Reggie, what's new?" and he'll reply, "Ya know, same ol' same ol', buddy!" and we'll talk about the weather or sports or something mundane like that.

I gave him no preferential treatment and did not even acknowledge the fact that I knew who he was. I think that tactic can really go either way with famous people, they either feel at ease and comfortable because you're not screaming "Oh my God!!" in their face or terribly offended that you don't know who they are (so insecure, aren't they?). I couldn't really tell how he responded. He was neither rude nor pleasant, very matter-of-factly all business.

My mother screamed at me when I told her about this encounter; she said that I should have asked him for an autograph, you know, for my dear old mother who was such a big fan. But I couldn't do that. First of all, that's not really a professional thing to do at work. And then, I'm not really the kind of person who asks for autographs from people, it's just weird, I'd rather just take the experience for what it is -a chance encounter with an aging queen that also happens to have been knighted by an actual aging queen.

Soul Brother Number 1

James Brown died today not 5 miles away from where I live. Even though his contribution to music in the last 20-30 years has been kind of dubious, his work in the early 60s through the mid 70s was undoubtedly influential both musically and socially. I had no idea he was sick in any way; he was only 73 years old. I'm sorry I never got to see him perform live.

Year's Best List

All right, I guess the time has come to do a best of the year list. Why, you ask? Because as a superficial, pretentious jerk I believe that people are basically defined by the things they like. And I want to share some of the things I liked so that you will in turn like me more; you know, 'cause you're a superficial, pretentious jerk too. Which, c'mon, we all know you pretty much are....

Top Records (in no particular order)
-TV On The Radio, Return To Cookie Mountain
-Thom Yorke, The Eraser
-Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Show Your Bones
-Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere
-Eef Barzelay, Bitter Honey
-Forget Cassettes, Salt
-Sean Lennon, Friendly Fire
-Cursive, Happy Hollow
-Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam
-David Bazan, Fewer Moving Parts
-Belle & Sebastian, The Life Pursuit
-Calexico, Garden Ruin
-Loose Fur, Born Again In The USA
-Arctic Monkeys, Whatever People Say I Am
-Mogwai, Mr. Beast
-Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan, Ballad Of The Broken Seas
-Cat Power, The Greatest
-Johnny Cash, American V: One Hundred Highways
-Jeremy Enigk, World Waits

And yeah, I feel the need to omit Tom Waits, Orphans because I technically haven't gotten it yet; but c'mon, I already know it belongs on the list. I don't have to listen to it to know I'm gonna love it.

Guilty Pleasure Pop Singles Of The Year
-Beyoncé, "Check On It"
-Justin Timberlake, "My Love"
-Chamillionaire, "Ridin Dirty" and to a certain extent Weird Al Yankovic, "White & Nerdy" is way better
-Prince, "Black Sweat"
-Jay-Z, "Show Me What You Got" (wait, I don't feel guilty about this one at all)
-Fergie, "London Bridge"
-Christina Aguilera, "Ain't No Other Man"

I won't publicly admit to loving these songs ever again (however, I may start dancing and singing along uncontrollably) so I ask that you forget what you just read and go back to believing that I only listen to things that I pretend to like only to impress other elitists.

Top Movies (I really didn't see that many this year, but here goes it)
-Little Miss Sunshine
-Running With Scissors
-Borat
-Jackass 2
-Thank You For Smoking
-Talladega Nights
-Superman Returns
-Strangers With Candy

Seriously, those are like 90% of the movies I saw in the theater this year. I must really know what I'm going to like or otherwise I'm really lucky (not to mention that I don't get out to the movies much). I may have to also mention "Me And You And Everyone We Know", not because I particularly liked it but because Adrienne and I constantly quote it. Especially the scatological perceptions of sex from the seven year old boy in it; we can relate.

Top Shows On Television
-Dexter: Season 1 (Showtime)
-Weeds: Season 2 (Showtime)
-The Sopranos: Season 6, Part 1 (HBO)
-Big Love: Season 1 (HBO)
-Lucky Louie: Season 1&2 (HBO)
-Project Runway (Bravo)
-Top Chef (Bravo)
-Survivor: Cook Islands (CBS)
-Six Feet Under (reruns on Bravo)
-Intervention (A&E)
-No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain (Travel Channel)
-Flavor Of Love 2 (VH1)
-Best Week Ever (VH1)
-The Soup (E!)
-Pardon The Interruption (ESPN)
-Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

Yeah, I watch a lot of TV. It's become pretty apparent at this point. But with shows like this on I can definitely justify my $80 monthly digital cable bill (with DVR, bitches!). And who says that TV can't be an educational, transcendent experience? I've learned a lot from Flavor Of Love. Like to never get between twenty skanks and their (mildly retarded) man; the puncture wounds from fake nails and six inch heels are not worth it.

So there it is, my year's picks. Disagree? Screw you, write your own damn blog!

Musings On Metal Mania

As I write this I'm watching a show on VH1 Classic called Metal Mania which is mostly comprised of music videos from 80's metal bands (Iron Maiden, Skid Row, Whitesnake, Ratt, etc.). Right now a video for Testament's song "Over The Wall" is on. It is very low budget --as most of these videos are-- and it alternates between close-up shots of the band playing to a black background and sepia colored footage of them hanging around an abandoned prison, their knuckles tightly clenching the bars. The music is best described as a mediocre attempt to sound like Kill 'Em All-era Metallica or early Slayer. I guess the overall message that they're trying to convey with this video clip is their feeling of confinement; because you know, they're in a prison and stuff.

That's another trend that I'm noticing with all these videos besides the low budgets and very unspecial effects; none of the imagery is subtle in relation to the lyrics. In fact, it's pretty much spot-on literal with no room for interpretation. If the character described in the song has a troubled home life then you will surely see a shot of his dad throwing him out of the house for listening to loud heavy metal music only to be sent down a downward spiral that will ultimately lead to him serving "18 and Life".

And the bluntness is not just in the interpretation of the lyrics, but the bands themselves. The bassist from Warrant wears a shirt in their video for "Big Talk" that says LICK ME and I'm pretty sure that his plan for wearing such an indiscriminate advertisement of his promiscuous nature is completely self serving. He plans on getting licked in all the right places, make no mistake about it. Short, sweet and to the point. No confusion whatsoever about his intensions, the girls in the crowd will surely know what to do after the show is over and they find themselves backstage (even though, what self respecting groupie would go after the bass player?).

I feel that that describes the existence of all those bands, everything had to be overblown and in your face and extreme, from the hair to the songs to the clothes and the music, leaving absolutely nothing below the surface. But that's also why some of these bands sold millions of records. Like, millions and millions more than you would ever think that they were capable of selling. We're talking Jay-Z numbers for some of the bigger ones like Bon Jovi and Skid Row. People wanted them for the shallow pricks they were and they gave it their all, no matter how ridiculous as that got. However, something tells me that most of them haven't felt any shame whatsoever for what they looked like, acted like or represented, it just doesn't fit their profile. They saw a million faces and they rocked them all because it was their destiny. What's a little spandex to get in the way of that?

Right now, a video for Overkill's "Hello From The Gutter" came on. The name of the band completely encapsulates their image. Leather pants, ripped shirts, poofy hair, spiky guitars, wall of amps behind them; complete and utter visual and aural overkill. I'm sure they sold millions of records as I'm sure that all that money they made is long gone and spent by now; it went up their noses or into fast cars and/or fast women. I hope they got some stories out of it and not just a wardrobe filled with neon green spandex and fringed white leather, that would be the real shame.

Home Invasion

Ever since we turned the air conditioning off for the season (and that was only like, a month and a half ago thanks to the looong Georgia summer) the lack of ventilation throughout the apartment brought an interesting smell to our attention. It's kinda like the smell you would expect at the end of the night in some sort of cheap Asian fusion restaurant. You know, the type of place that serves Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Pakistani and a bit of Indian thrown in for good measure; a place that is about as authentic as the Olive Garden only it desecrates about ten cultures at a time instead of just one.

And this is a smell that my olfactory organs found very familiar.

You see, the first place I lived in by myself in Nashville had very thin walls and interconnected plumbing as well as ventilation systems that knew no boundaries so I would often catch whiffs of what my neighbors were cooking up. And it was never good smells, like I had often experienced in Italy (where if you're walking the streets around lunch or dinner time your appetite grows exponentially as you pass every open kitchen window). No, they were always wafts of awfulness akin to rotted produce or spoiled milk. An especially awful smell seemed to only appear every few weeks from the apartment next door where a Pakistani man dwelled. I only imagined what kind of concoction could possibly smell this bad. Boiled cabbage and sweat-drenched socks, perhaps? Anyway, it was bad.

And now it's back with a vengeance thanks to our what-we-assume-to-be Korean neighbors. Except it's there every day, every moment of the damn day. What's weird is that we share a side of our apartment with these people and we have never heard a single sound from them. No noise, just smells. They must sit silently, constantly and tirelessly stirring their enormous pots of awful stew. Our coat closet has been hit the hardest and we have to leave it open once in a while to prevent full jacket contamination. Otherwise we run the risk of bringing the smell with us everywhere we go. And that is not acceptable.

I guess we'll just have to bear it until it's time to turn the heat on, except that might not be for another couple of months knowing the meteorological perplexities of the deep South.

Crap bag.

Warning: Inane Content Inside

More nonsense for your reading pleasure:

--Christian Bale is the little kid in "Empire of the Sun"?! Am I completely dumb for just figuring this out or what? It was on TV tonight, good movie, I hadn't seen it in years. Probably never even in English. First time I saw it was dubbed in Italian, probably in 1988. Ah, dubbed movies, the ultimate in crappiness.

--In Adrienne&Luca news, Adrienne got a job at a supertrendycool bakery/cafe today to supplement her daily grind at Starbucks and I had an interview for a job at Barnes & Noble. I think I got the job but they haven't called me with the news just yet. Let's hope that happens tomorrow.

--Saw "Borat" on Monday and it was hi-larious. I suggest you get your ass to the theater A.S.A.P.; if you've ever wanted to see two hairy men fighting and wrestling naked for what is seemingly an eternity (and you know you do), you're in luck. It's probably the most disgusting display of unsightly body hair I've ever seen. And there's teabagging involved. That's right. Ballsack in the face. Need I say more? GO SEE IT!!!

--I'm recording music again for the first time in months and I'm enjoying the process. I really need to take advantage of all the instruments and recording equipment I've collected over the years and create something worthwhile. I'm pretty proud of this new stuff. Lots of different instrumentation and textures. And I'm getting better at recording and mixing. I wish I could sing, it would make everything so much easier. I can come up with interesting melodies, I just can't execute them. Know anybody that can sing? And I mean that in a strictly non-American Idol or Rock Star Supernova way.

--The election results were somewhat pleasing. On the one hand, the Republican rule is over and that is undoubtedly a good thing. Their blatant disregard for basic human decency and constant glorification of ignorance has been obscene. We are all dumber for having been conscious through the last six years. On the other hand, I really have no faith that anything will actually change with the Democrats in control. Not these Democrats. They're just not hardcore liberal enough for me and plus Bush will finally get a chance to use his veto power so it looks like he'll have to take less vacations from now on. What a jerkoff. I'm really sick of seeing his face and his shit-eating grin.

Lately just thinking about politics makes my stomach twist into a knot. I wish something would happen on a massive worldwide scale that would shake the foundations of the establishment and turn everything that's grown stale into something fresh. Positive or negative, I don't care. If millions of people have to die in the process, I'm willing to accept it. Am I reverting to my juvenile, anarchist, listening to RageAgainstTheMachine views? Maybe. I want progress and major social overhauling and I want it NOW.

But you do it; I'm busy writing blogs on MySpace and watching Family Guy.

At least maybe the focus of the nation will move away from such meaningless and trivial things like gay marriage and flag burning and I hope more pressing matters will be addressed. We definitely have to have a shift of priorities as a peoples. But what does it matter what I think, I can't even vote.

All right, time for bed. Good night and good luck.

A Few Other Things

-Happy Halloween everybody! I hope you have fun tonight and that you don't get stalked by homicidal masked killers. I hate it when that happens. Unfortunately I won't be doing a damn thing tonight because Adrienne has to work until late. No giant baby costume this year. Maybe I'll be stalking babysitters and teenagers to make them pay for being dirty, sinful fornicators and underage drinkers. It could be a new career path for me.

-Speaking of careers, my Guitar Center one is over. Yes, it was over before it even began actually. You see, after training for one week on things like "Five Personality Characteristics of Good Salespersons", "Five Ingredients of Customer Service" and "Five Core Values of G.C." amongst many other tidbits of useless corporate propaganda, I took on the "floor" with my fellow salesmen. In my first day on said "floor" I sold a vintage Gibson SG for the hefty price of $2,000. Since my salary is largely based on commission, I was very happy to start off selling such an expensive item. However, since I was new I still needed help with operating their archaic computer system at the checkout counter. So, one of the more experienced salesmen (who admitted to me that he used to be a used car salesman and who had spent the entire morning talking shit to me about the other employees) happily helped me and managed to keep 100% of the commission for himself in the process, all the while informing me to my face that this was a common, albeit non-official, practice for the first couple of weeks. You can imagine how I reacted to this. I informed this gentleman that I was not in the habit of letting people screw me over right to my face and I also let him know what I thought of his little unofficial policy. I then took it up with management and upon seeing their apathetic response I decided that these were not the kind of people I wanted around me on a regular basis (plus many other crappy things that I won't get into right now happened while I was there). So I quit. No regrets. Fuck 'em. I told them to send me my check in the mail and that I would not be back in the building. I really have grown to have no patience for despicable behavior and I really don't feel like I have to be part of it. So that''s that. By the way, the five personality characteristics of good salespersons are "Outgoing, Enthusiastic, Tenacious, Sincere and Humble". They should add "Douchebag" to the list.

-I saw "Running With Scissors" on Saturday and I enjoyed it very much. All the actors involved put in great performances and the story, based on Augusten Burroughs' book, is wonderful. Very much like Wes Anderson's work, the movie evokes the same kind of moods of "The Royal Tenenbaums" (and not just because of Gwyneth Paltrow being in both movies). Funny, sad, witty and whimsical = Good movie in Luca's book. Go see it.

-I'll be in Nashville this weekend for the Carroll/Hargis wedding. I can't wait, it should be a lot of fun. Let me take some time now to apologize to the people who will be attending for the vile, embarrassing things I'm most certainly going to do while intoxicated at the reception. I haven't been drunk in months, I hope you understand.