Acqua Alta A Venezia

Venice is flooding right now, and while acqua alta (high water) is a regular occurrence in this most unique city built on sandbanks, this particular flood is the worst in at least 20 years. There's a great photo collection from this latest calamity at The Big Picture, which highlights the laid back attitude of the citizens who have learned to take it all in stride and go on with their daily routines. I found these next couple of pics to be particularly comical:

A group of men having an aperitivo in waders.

A flooded pastry shop, open for business as usual.

Check out the entire collection at The Big Picture.

Review: Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy

I've now listened to this album enough that I can share some of my thoughts with you. I'm not going to go all Chuck Klosterman on it because, well, just read his review if you want his trademarked obsessive psycho-analysis.

As for me, here we go, track by track:

"Chinese Democracy" - Really long fade in. Waaay too long. But after that, this song is all right. Axl's vocals still have some bite to them. The Buckethead guitar solo, punctuated by whammy pedal squeals, stands out. Not melodic like something Slash would do, but technically impressive nonetheless.

"Shackler's Revenge" - Whoa, holy crap. This song is just awful, every single second of it. Sounds like some shit they would play on modern rock radio, but way more dated. What's up with the drum loop? And that chorus?!? Truly dreadful.

"Better" - Along the same vein as the last track. The guitar tones are really bad. The lyrics and phrasing sound like late-era James Hetfield. Not good. This is the second single off the album??? It figures.

"Street Of Dreams" - Journey power ballad, all the way. Wow, Steve Perry could definitely rock this shit. Very dated production and overall arrangement. Like, pre-original-GN'R, 1978 dated. How'd that happen?

"If The World" - Very 007, could easily be in the opening credits. Funky wah-wah riffs throughout, melodic strings and snaky bass line. Hell, even a flamenco guitar solo thrown in for good measure. The lyrics are James Bond-ian in theme as well: "If the world would end today, all the dreams we had would just drift away." Was this a throwaway from the 1999 soundtrack to The World Is Not Enough? Perhaps. Another one from left field in this incongruous pastiche of an album.

"There Was A Time" - Reminds me a bit of "Estranged" off of Use Your Illusion, mostly because of the bloated production. Choirs, orchestras, suites, bombast, extended solo, the works. Video featuring Axl being rescued from a suicide attempt by dolphins will surely follow shortly.

"Catcher In The Rye" - Another song directed at Axl-haters. I can't help but think that EVERY lyric on this album is directed at Axl's ex-bandmates, his critics and anyone who's ever thought about saying anything bad about him. The line, "If I thought that I was crazy, I guess I'd have more fun" pretty much says it all about his self awareness.

"Scraped" - Pardon my metaphor, but the vocal scats in the beginning of this song are the gayest thing since gay sex. Otherwise, the song isn't too bad. It has a cascading guitar riff in the verses that reminds me of old GN'R, although it lacks the swagger that often went along with the old lineup.

"Riad N' The Bedouins" - This is probably the closest this album comes to sounding like the old, punky GN'R songs. Well, except for the chorus, which is a bit weak. In fact, that's what's missing from this album --the dangerous element. It lacks the toughness that the band once oozed. And of course that's because, well, it's not the same band. Duff, Izzy and Slash ain't in this bitch no mo', and their punk rock bluntness is sorely missed here.

"Sorry" - Yet ANOTHER song directed at haters. I can picture Axl singing this song to a life-size cutout of Slash in the vocal booth before totally losing his shit and fiercely attacking it, berserker-style. Get over it already, Axl. Is there anything more pathetic than a petty and paltry middle aged man (with cornrows, no less)?

"I.R.S." - This song epitomizes Chinese Democracy's biggest fault: it's completely unfocused. Songs aren't songs; instead, they're what happens to songs after the writer spends way too much time tinkering with them. Arrangements get overworked, the instrumentation gets erratic and, ultimately, the songs suffocate under their own weight. Transitions that should feel natural instead seem convoluted. A mess.

"Madagascar" - This song has Martin Luther King Jr. sound clips in the middle of it. Why? I have no fucking clue. Except maybe that Axl didn't think the list of names in the credits wasn't long enough already. Too bad he couldn't get Morgan Freeman to do the narration between tracks, that would have classed up the credits even more.

"This I Love" - Perhaps it should have been called, "This Is The Love Ballad" because that's exactly what it is. Is it about Stephanie Seymour? Probably. Is there a song on this album that ISN'T about someone in Axl's past? No. It's really pathetic.

"Prostitute" - Ah, the album closer. Not a bad song, it's definitely better than most of the songs that precede it. It ends with a calming symphonic suite, presumably the sound in Axl's head as the 12-year process of creating this goddam album is finally over and now he can go back to doing whatever crazy people in Los Angeles do. Something tells me that frequent trips to the Scientology Center are in his near future.

---

So, overall, Chinese Democracy sounds exactly like I figured it would sound --a collection of songs written and recorded under the authoritarian tutelage of Axl Rose over the span of 12 years, trying to be passed off as a cohesive album by an unmistakable, legendary band.

That, it is not.

And aside from the first song, it doesn't even have anything to do with China. Or Democracy. It, actually, has more to do with an American Dictatorship (which is how Slash described the state of Guns N' Roses shortly after quitting back in 1996), and Axl is the artistic despot in question --taking absolute credit and conclusively, absolute blame for all his maxims.

Is it bad?

Not particularly. It has its moments.

Is it good?

It's not going to be on my year's best list, but I'm sure to some, it may very well be good.

Was it worth the hype, the endless speculation, the multimillion-dollar studio tab, the legendary "will it ever be unleashed on the eagerly waiting masses" status?

Of course not. What album could have met those kinds of expectations? I'm just glad it finally came out so we can all just move on already. Especially Axl, I can't imagine what kind of bat-shit-crazy rollercoaster ride it's been for him. Although he did choose to keep the name Guns N' Roses alive, so perhaps he deserves the massive responsibility and expectations that came with it.

And he will certainly benefit greatly (as in, media attention and sales) from this project even though, as I see it, most great albums transcend the artists who write and perform them, prompting the question:

If this album wasn't being released under the name of Guns N' Roses, would we care about it at all?

Probably not.

Cut The Shit - Let Us Fly With Our Knives

As a former scout and proud knife-carrying citizen (well, technically a resident, if you want to be a jerk about it) I second this motion as put forth on BoingBoing for president-elect Obama to address:

The Right To Bear Pocket Knives

Up until the day the terrorists won, I routinely carried my trusty tool (not an euphemism, for once) in my pocket or backpack on my trans-Atlantic flights to and from Italy, with ne'er a complication. But the fear-mongering institution of Homeland Security put an end to that, and it's time that someone, in turn, puts an end to their fascist, police-state policies.

Flying was bad enough before all these random, unreasonable rules and regulations (the liquids ban and the 1-quart Ziploc bag rule also come to mind --I still think S.C. Johnson & Son is in cahoots with the Bush administration for that one), but it's been nearly unbearable over the last few years. Most, if not all of the policies are pointless, counter-intuitive, inconvenient and wasteful, and they are so incompetently enforced that they don't fulfill the purpose they were enacted to serve (kind of encompassing the Bush administration, come to think of it.)

So, instead of benefiting from these sacrifices for collective public safety, we all have lost considerable personal freedoms, not to mention time and money. Let's cut the shit, all right?

The merits of carrying a pocket knife are numerous and overwhelmingly outnumber the chances of it being used for nefarious reasons. Not a day goes by that I don't use mine, it's probably the most useful tool on my person at all times --more so than even my cell phone (actually, I used my knife to open up the impregnable clamshell plastic packaging my cell phone came in, thankyouverymuch...)

Am I supposed to abandon my convenient and practical utensil when I fly somewhere just to satisfy a bullshit sense of security?

Fuck that.

Obama, the ball is in your court. This one's a no-brainer, do what you gotta do.

Next Stop: Your Fiery, Confined Death

So, plans are underway to build a $3 billion subway system in Baghdad. Yes, that Baghdad. You know, here. Where, in case you haven't heard, this has been going on for a minute.

This is probably one of those notorious civic projects that will take decades and go waaaay over-budget to accomplish. And you have to think that the Iraqi Cabinet that earmarked the project is optimistically treating it as such, because why else would they even consider it at this time?

The infrastructure in Baghdad is, at best, in shambles.

On average, Baghdad residents only have working electricity for twelve hours a day. Many have it for a mere one hour a day. Plus, in a city that averages temperatures of over 110°F in the summer, there's been water shortages that sometimes go on for a week at a time. Contributing to that is a major sewage treatment plant being built in the area, used to process waste and produce clean water, that is costing three times the original budget amount and is three years behind schedule. And on top of all that, there's no reliable system for trash removal, so entire streets have turned into public dumps.

These are just a few of the many framework issues for one of the world's fastest growing cities (expected to reach the 10 million citizen mark in the next 15 years) and they all seem to warrant top priority.

There's been huge congestion problems on the roads due to a spike in vehicle ownership after the "liberation", attributed to lifted sanctions, slashes in customs rates and of course, miles of security walls and hundreds of check points set up by security forces --the subway is seen as the only solution to relieve traffic.

But at this time of uncertainty, civil unrest, religious insurgency and foreign occupation in Baghdad, I just cringe at the idea of confining thousands of citizens in fast moving boxes in underground corridors crisscrossing the city.

I don't know, is it just me or doesn't that just seem like a perfect place for some rabble-rouser to cause a little trouble?

Maybe I'm just paranoid.

The Age Of An Imaginary Rodent

Universally beloved cartoon character Mickey Mouse made his first appearance as "Steamboat Willie" on the silver screen eighty years ago today, marking this date as his official birthday.

The aforementioned short film made animation history with its ground-breaking synchronized soundtrack and launched an empire for Walt Disney that now includes amusement parks on three continents, cruises and even a sports themed cable channel, amongst 80 gazillion other revenue-generating endeavors.

Say what you will about the evil tendencies of the global conglomerate, but you have to admit that it's pretty amazing that an empire can be built from a cartoon mouse.

This occasion also reminds me of another beloved character and American national treasure, George Carlin, who pointed out our frivolous preoccupation with the imaginary rodent's age in this particularly vexatious diatribe:



Oh George, how you are missed.

And yes, this whole post was just an excuse to show that clip...

Gran Turismo

Determination. Sacrifice. Dedication.

Maybe I've been playing too much Forza Motorsports 2 lately, but how else would you describe this scene from the Rallye des Serrians, in France, where a driver rode on the engine in order to operate the throttle after a cable snapped in the final stretch of the stage. The navigator steered the car while this intrepid soul hung on under the hood.

Watch the video for further amusement:

I've Been Running Ever Since

Barack Obama For President: An Endorsement, For Your Consideration

I've always believed that anyone with an opinion and a platform should make themselves heard. Through the last few years here at Bazookaluca, I've certainly expressed opinions on anything and everything, from the trivial (An Open Letter To Ethnic Food Marketers) to the ultra-trivial (Musings On Anti Monkey Butt Powder), while never masking or diluting the nuggets of truth that I often find in the absurd.

And while the current presidential campaign season (all 22 months of it!) has been rife with absurd moments, the culmination of it will certainly be anything but trivial. And it is because of this circumstantial gravity that I want to take advantage of my platform to endorse Barack Obama for president in 2008.

Through his lengthy campaign, Obama has proved to be the steady, calm voice of reason while often faced with unreasonable accusations, never straying from his message or compromising his integrity. He's been a study in complexity, caution and calculation, all critical traits for a world leader.

Perhaps what's impressed me the most about Obama is that, despite the focus on his message of hope and reform, he is no idealist, he is pragmatic and empirical in his approach. From his time as Illinois Senator to executing his unprecedented presidential campaign with meticulous professionalism, he has always tempered a progressive agenda with a cold dash of realism and sober judgement-- the antithesis of the Rovian Bush years which were (and still are) entirely defined by empty, dogmatic rhetoric with no redeeming value or concrete results.

Obama has shown his strength of will, character and intellect consistently throughout this campaign.

By contrast, John McCain has proved erratic and out of touch; his campaign plagued by knee-jerk decisions and inconsistent, contradictory messages-- perhaps best exemplified by his puzzling vice presidential choice of Sara Palin, whose nomination is a slap to the face of reasonable and rational people everywhere.

Furthermore, his approach over the last month of the campaign is best described as a systematic organization of hatreds, honing in on politics of fear, division and character assassination which are not only the lowest form of political discourse, but also dramatically polarize the electorate, which in turn, makes subsequent governing nearly impossible.

This is perhaps Obama's biggest challenge, and one that, luckily, he's best suited to tackle. After all, at the end of a long, bitter campaign which pitted him first against the previously unbeaten Clintons and then the equally invincible Karl Rove protégé, Steve Schmidt, Obama has emerged with the highest pre-election favorability rating of any candidate, ever (62%). A figure that, I suspect, will win him the White House and give him a clear mandate to reform from the voters.

This speaks volumes, not only to the utter failure of the Bush presidency and the conservative agenda whose irresponsible policies have left this country in the worst condition since the Great Depression, but also to Obama's ability to transcend old political smear tactics that pit people against one another and still stay true to communicating his vision of the American dream-- one that includes and serves and benefits every American.

A true candidate for the 21st Century and for those of us who still think we can do better.