Her: I think _______ will blow up with this upcoming album.
Him: Really? I think their sound has a pretty limited audience.
Her: Well, I don't mean blow up-blow up—like Bieber or anything—I mean blow up on blogs. You know, they'll be blog-famous.
Him: Yeah, but does that actually amount to anything?
Her: It means they'll be known beyond just the local scene. There will be buzz around their name.
Him: I guess. But it's still a pretty limited scope. How many people actually read those blogs? It's gotta be around like, 50,000 people, if that. And how many of those people will actually spend real money, and not just BitTorrent the album? Three, four thousand at best?! Will they be able to make a living with being blog-famous? Me thinks not. Plus, they'll be forgotten like, a month later. It's all about 'what have you done for me lately?' on blogs. There's a new band of the moment every fucking... moment, you know?
Her: Maybe. But do you really think they have such a limited audience? They're so punky and surf music...ky.
Him: Whatever. They're punk rock with no aggression, or sense of danger. And surf musicky without the fucking Sun, or the feeling of summer. They're like hollow effigies of those genres—completely devoid of what was fun about those types of music in the first place. I sat through some of their shows, they were boring as fuck. I couldn't hum you one of their songs five minutes after the show ended. They're mediocre at best—completely forgettable.
Her: Look, that may be true, but boring bands are in vogue right now. All the blogs cover the shit out of boring bands. Boring has come to mean 'unaffected by the common trappings of pop music.' It's really a response to hook-saturated mainstream pop—and that in itself is punk rock as fuck.
Him: Even if that was true—which it isn't—being punk as fuck won't pay back your college loans, or rent, or a fucking car. Or most importantly, make me believe that what you're doing is good art. Let's face it, they're not good at being a band, they're just good at looking cool while going through the motions of being a band. The people at their shows feel cool for being there because they're fucking 22-years old and it's probably the first time in their lives that they've felt cool, surrounded by other people who think they're cool. Everyone tries to fuck each other—some succeed, some don't—and it has very little to do with the actual music that's played in the background. It's no different than going to a sports bar or a dance club. It's just part of being young and wanting to belong to something greater than yourself.
Her: So let me get this straight. If you think it has nothing to do with music, and it's just about looking cool, and you yourself just said that they're good at that, why don't you think they're going to blow up?
Him: Aaah fuck, you're probably right. They'll be fucking branded with Pitchfork's fucking Best New Music as soon as they put out their shitty album. And I'll probably BitTorrent that fucker too, just so I know what all these kids are raving about, and because I'm desperate enough to still want to seem cool.
[Pregnant pause]
Her: Hey, speaking of which... can we BitTorrent that new Best Coast album? My friend told me it got an 8.4 on Pitchfork and that was like, almost two weeks ago. Uuugh, I'm sooooo far behind...
Him: Really? I think their sound has a pretty limited audience.
Her: Well, I don't mean blow up-blow up—like Bieber or anything—I mean blow up on blogs. You know, they'll be blog-famous.
Him: Yeah, but does that actually amount to anything?
Her: It means they'll be known beyond just the local scene. There will be buzz around their name.
Him: I guess. But it's still a pretty limited scope. How many people actually read those blogs? It's gotta be around like, 50,000 people, if that. And how many of those people will actually spend real money, and not just BitTorrent the album? Three, four thousand at best?! Will they be able to make a living with being blog-famous? Me thinks not. Plus, they'll be forgotten like, a month later. It's all about 'what have you done for me lately?' on blogs. There's a new band of the moment every fucking... moment, you know?
Her: Maybe. But do you really think they have such a limited audience? They're so punky and surf music...ky.
Him: Whatever. They're punk rock with no aggression, or sense of danger. And surf musicky without the fucking Sun, or the feeling of summer. They're like hollow effigies of those genres—completely devoid of what was fun about those types of music in the first place. I sat through some of their shows, they were boring as fuck. I couldn't hum you one of their songs five minutes after the show ended. They're mediocre at best—completely forgettable.
Her: Look, that may be true, but boring bands are in vogue right now. All the blogs cover the shit out of boring bands. Boring has come to mean 'unaffected by the common trappings of pop music.' It's really a response to hook-saturated mainstream pop—and that in itself is punk rock as fuck.
Him: Even if that was true—which it isn't—being punk as fuck won't pay back your college loans, or rent, or a fucking car. Or most importantly, make me believe that what you're doing is good art. Let's face it, they're not good at being a band, they're just good at looking cool while going through the motions of being a band. The people at their shows feel cool for being there because they're fucking 22-years old and it's probably the first time in their lives that they've felt cool, surrounded by other people who think they're cool. Everyone tries to fuck each other—some succeed, some don't—and it has very little to do with the actual music that's played in the background. It's no different than going to a sports bar or a dance club. It's just part of being young and wanting to belong to something greater than yourself.
Her: So let me get this straight. If you think it has nothing to do with music, and it's just about looking cool, and you yourself just said that they're good at that, why don't you think they're going to blow up?
Him: Aaah fuck, you're probably right. They'll be fucking branded with Pitchfork's fucking Best New Music as soon as they put out their shitty album. And I'll probably BitTorrent that fucker too, just so I know what all these kids are raving about, and because I'm desperate enough to still want to seem cool.
[Pregnant pause]
Her: Hey, speaking of which... can we BitTorrent that new Best Coast album? My friend told me it got an 8.4 on Pitchfork and that was like, almost two weeks ago. Uuugh, I'm sooooo far behind...
this is like a conversation i have in my head weekly. it usually ends with me cranking up justin timberlake and rubbing icy-hot on my sore knee.
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