Ad Nauseum

I watch several food-related shows (Top Chef, No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, Iron Chef, etc.) and after a considerable amount of time, the number of food-as-sex analogies, metaphors and similes has finally reached critical mass for me.

Dishes are constantly being referred to as "sexy", "orgasmic", "arousing", "sensual" or causing "an orgy of flavor in one's mouth" --one chef even going as far as saying that his excitement for a dish resulted in a "culinary boner".

I understand the correlation between the innate joys of eating and the carnal pleasures of sex, but I'm also very keen to when an expression becomes a trite cliché, depleted of its originality or strength of meaning. This is one of those cases.

Plus, I don't want a sweaty, overweight, snaggle-toothed British chef to serve me his "sex on a plate". Keep that shit to yourself, mate. Pish posh, pop around the block, and piss off, tosser!

Let's find more original analogies for food, shall we?

May I perhaps suggest comparing your mélange of lobster and artichokes with fresh walnuts and foie gras caramelized in quince jelly to Leonard Cohen's New Skin For The Old Ceremony album? It's a classic, refined and gratifying, while concurrently expunging presumption with its congenial timelessness.

No?

All right......